Disaster Speedos

Living in California, I am always mindful that a large earthquake could strike and destroy my home as well as many of the public services we all rely on. The two hurricanes on the gulf coast have shown us all how pathetically unprepared our federal government is to respond to such a crises even after all the millions of dollars it has spent on homeland security. The local governments here have admitted they would be unable to handle a massive quake without federal assistance.

We in California will be left to fend for ourselves; and I have made it my duty to be prepared. There are various sites all over the internet - a search under ‘earthquake preparedness’ will bring them up – and they list items to store safely for easy access should the big one hit. Most of them suggest filling a clean garbage can with bottled water, canned food, even graham crackers. They even tell you to put in a good book to read as a way to pass the time until help arrives. They expect we may have to be on our own for 3 days and cleverly provide a list of all items we may need in that time – except for one: How many Speedos?!

What is a boy to do? I mean do they expect me to not pack a Speedo or two, or even 20? How many garbage cans should I get for my collection? Do they expect me to dig through the rubble to get to the ones left in my house? Will there be a shortage of Speedo style suits if, God forbid, the production facilities are damaged? Maybe there are more important things to think about, but since none of those ever seem to get taken care of, perhaps we can get somebody on this. Hey, after all, California is governed by a man who has probably been photographed in Speedo style suits more than any other elected official in history. Arnold Schwarzenegger could step down from the state government, leaving it to people who don’t look as good in posing suits, and head the “Save the Speedos from Disaster” task force. At least we could be sure that our tax dollars were actually doing some good.

Until then, my emergency supply kit is coming along nicely. I will be able to survive the big one without outside assistance. And for now, I will just have to guess at how many Speedos I will need.