Tragedy For Speedo Fans Like Me

The “Great Tragedy,” as it shall be known, is due to fabric technology. Yes, science has advanced to the point where the fabric that is used to make competitive swimsuits is actually ‘slicker’ than skin. Therefore, if a swimmer wishes to swim faster, it behooves him to cover himself in the most streamlined material possible, thus serious competitive swimmers are showing less and less skin and no longer wearing the minimal Speedo that I fell in love with.

At the beginning of the modern Olympic era, modesty was the only reason men worn swimsuits that were more like collegiate wrestling singlets are today. Imagine – they were made out of wool! It is a wonder they could stay afloat. But as the need for speed increased, the suits got smaller and the material used became more streamlined. Fortunately, as fabric technology improved and Victorian modesty vanished, the Speedo style swimsuit emerged as the perfect garment to race in. At this point, there weren’t any fabrics available that were better than bare skin at cutting through the water, but since men are far from streamlined in the groin area, a tight, form fitting suit was needed to keep any appendages close to the body. Men could shave body hair away – minimizing drag, and that just left a small suit to smooth out what couldn’t be removed.

But the small amount of drag the suit did provide at first improved the situation for people who like to look at male swimmers. To reduce drag, the suits got smaller. The fabric also got slicker and more form fitting: from wool, to cotton, to nylon, spandex, Lycra, even latex, and combinations of them all. But then, the scientific geniuses at Nike or Speedo, or somewhere, ruined it all, because the fabric got so good, it was better than skin – and now, once again, the men are covering up.

First the Jammer came along – those form fitting suits that look like bicycle shorts (sure they look nice, but they cover so much.) And now we are at the point where the big time swimmers are wearing full body suits with hoods no less. The extreme cost of the suits - $100+ - have kept some swimmers in more minimal clothing, but soon all swimmers will be covered head to toe in fabric. What a pity!

Luckily, divers and water polo players, and recreational swimmers like myself don’t need super science streamlining, so the Speedo that we know and love will survive!